


Plunder

by foreverinprinxietyhell



Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: Birthday Parties, Drinking, Father-Daughter Relationship, Flatfoot the Pirate, Gay Parents, M/M, Teasing, breast milk, dressing up, dual punishment, light banter, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 06:03:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12929079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinprinxietyhell/pseuds/foreverinprinxietyhell





	Plunder

Planning parties as the years went on seemed to be one of the most difficult tasks of being a parent, yet the two fathers were an exception to the rule since the past eight years had been filled with nothing but admiration since adopting their daughter. This year, much to the younger one’s surprise, would also act as a punishment, olive toned cheeks heating up to an astounding temperature once it was revealed.

“You’re gonna make a fool outta me in front of my little girl?” Sal asked in annoyance, grumbling grumpily as the child in question giggled from where she sat in his lap, “That’s a low blow…”

“Had to make it extra special for her birthday, sue us.”

“I oughta….” 

“Don’t worry babe, I’ll be right beside you,” Murray asked, leaning forward to press their foreheads together, “I’ll be your first mate.”

“Just like ole times, huh?”

“Got that right.”

Mood uplifting momentarily, both parents excused themselves to change into chosen costumes for the children’s party while the technical uncles kept their niece occupied. Unable to keep emerald eyes off of the slimmer body as a long, flowing white and blue striped blouse hanging off in billows of fabric, Salvatore pulled him close to be used as a sort of comfort item as a sharp nose buried into the hollow of a neck, “Call me silly, but I’m nervous as all hell.”

“Couldn’t tell… Ya know no matter what happens out there, Macy adores you, right? And so does her old man.”

“You’re six months older than me, smartass.”

“Just tryin’ to cheer you up, is that so bad?”

“Nah, quite the opposite,” he remarked, sharing a soft smooch with his significant other while slipping on a thick black coat on top of a similar shirt, huffing out a breath of laughter as he helped adjust the grimy wig to look more natural, “Might not be the time or place to say this, but damn do you look dashing. Makes me wanna do unspeakable things to you…”

“I’ll have to sneak it back home with us, guess that’s a small price to pay for coming up with this punishment.”

“Should’ve known, sneaky lil bastard… Bet your ass you’ll be wearing it tonight.”

“D’you really think that’s appropriate behavior at your kid’s birthday?” a gruff voice spoke up from behind, which startled the youngest of the friend group to the additional male’s amusement, “’Bout ready?”

Leading the way out to the stationary boat stationed at a makeshift pier, there was a bounce in Murray’s step as opposed to his husband’s lackluster lagging behind as if this was pure torture rather than being part of a celebratory occasion, beaming brightly as a crowd of kids closely circled around as the main attraction approached, “Ahoy, kiddies! I’m here to introduce ya to the captain of this ship, Flatfoot the Pirate!”

“Thank you there, mate.”

“He’s got the flattest feet on the seven seas, arrr!” 

“It’s a medical condition.”

Surrounded by a sea of high-pitched laughter, the younger one pressed impossible close to his husband in embarrassment as if he had not been teased about this physical feature, squeaking when a whisper of how good he was being caused a spreading blush to increase in temperature. Peeking up for a moment, his sight settled on the blonde haired girl whom they had raised since the age of three, heart swelling at how much fun she seemed to already be having fun to the point where his entire guard was let down as a miniature mug was handed over without explanation. 

“Now when we sail the seven seas we sing and drink all day long,” Murr started off with a stupidly large grin as a piece of parchment was passed over to the main man, “Don’t drink yet ‘cos our captain’s gonna sing us a song.”

_Raise a mug and admire it, let’s toast to Flatfoot the Pirate. I’ve sailed across the seven seas and drank with maidens and mateys. The finest milk you have right now comes directly from the cow, but Flatfoot’s milk it is the best because…_

“C’mon buddy, what’s that last part?” Joe piped up in his ear piece, the beverage almost spilling upon the feeling of fright for forgetting that they were not alone, “Don’t wanna let your daughter down, do ya?”

“You son of a… I’d expect that from Q, but from a fellow father?”

“Papa, why’s he talkin’ to Uncle Joe like that?” Macy mused, tugging on James’ trousers to get his attention, giggling when she was lifted up into his thin arms, “Is he in trouble?”

“I dunno what you mean, little lass, but no one’s in trouble. Except Flatfoot if he doesn’t finish…”

 _Because it comes from a woman’s breast…_

“Cheers!”

Giving a death glare in his partner’s direction, he hesitated for a full moment as the scent entered thick nostrils; luckily, this had been avoided upon adopting their child, so he thought that there would never be any reason to try tasting the offered liquid even if it was clearly out of curiosity. Sipping slightly at the bitter milk, the tankard was immediately abandoned as the railing was reached to vomit up what little had been consumed, sputtering as harsh coughs shook his frame that seemed to go in an unending sort of torture on top of the temporary hell he was forced to endure.

“You alright, love? Thought you were hacking up a lung?”

“I’ll survive…”

“Guess your rum wasn’t pasteurized?”

“You could say that.”

‘Well, now that you seem to have recovered, who wants to overthrow the captain and take over the boat?”

“I don’t like the sound of that…”

Shuddering at the sudden decision to rally up the children, Sal tried to brace himself as a thin palm pressed into a broadened shoulder blade to guide him toward a plank of wood as chants surrounded them like circling sharks, a look of pity in a playful pout given as he turned to face the rebellious crew, “First of all…”

Interrupted by a firm shove, the wind was knocked out of burning lungs as freezing water soaked through thick layers as he tried to desperately stay afloat, biting back a rude remark in order to prevent a fake fight from occurring in front of Macy, for they had agreed long ago that she would not grow up in that kind of environment unless it was made known that it was in a joking manner. Teeth chattering audibly, long strokes struck through the murky lake with short-lived waves as he continued to get closer to shore, a tiny hand offered instead of the one expected from his significant other.

“Are you okay, daddy?”

“I’m fine, sweetheart. Where’s your father, is he too ashamed to face me?”

“He’s getting the cake!” she commented in a chipper voice not unlike the older father figure as she held onto the other’s freezing fingers to comfort him, “Uncle Brian said he has a towel.”

“Glad someone does…”

“Daddy?” 

“Yes, baby girl?” he asked, kneeling down so they could share in a hug despite being soaking wet, “Did you have fun?”

“Uh huh! Thank you, that was the best birthday ever!”

“Aww, well couldn’t have done it without help.”

“Are you mad at papa?”

“Nah, but he still owes me later for pushing me into that dirty water…” Sal stated matter-of-factly as the man in question approached with dry clothes in hand, lifting up only to get him just as drenched, “That’s what you get, ferret.”

“Love you too, Sally…”


End file.
